Welcome to the First Season of Toilet Talk. For all you football fans, this is my blog that I will try to keep up on weekly. I will highlight one player each week. I will give you stats, highlights, headlines from the past and present and who’s team I would want them to be on if I were placing these guys on a Fantasy Football League. Also, all my research is done on my favorite throne, the TOILET. Why you ask…because that is the only peace and quiet I get in my house. And really, what sound is more soothing than a fart fan?
I will start off the next to last week of preseason with…Mark
Sanchez. Or as I secretly call him in
public, Dirrrty Sanchez! This young man,
born in 1986, is currently riding the pine.
His genius coach, Rex Ryan, decided that he needed to win two games back
to back in the preseason. Job security
after they didn’t even win one game prior to the 2012-2013 season kick off. Let’s hope by winning a preseason game, will
lead to a somewhat exciting season.
However, without a quarterback, it’s looking sketchy! Rex’s bad judgment leads to Mark Sanchez being
taken out with a hit by Marvin Austin.
Lucky! Now let’s see how long
this injury will last. Let’s be real,
this means when the Jets start off the season with a shit record, ol’ Dirrrty
can look at us all and give his best Chris Rock quote, “They ain’t talkin’
about me!”
Let’s take a look at the life and times of Marky Mark and
the Sanchize Bunch. It doesn’t boast
well when you Google Mark and the words, Butt Video and Dumb come up. This comes from a former teammate of the
broken winged bird. Perhaps Mark’s
parents had bigger plans in the brain department, since they gave him two middle
names for him to remember, when I thought the tradition was two last
names. Did they forget or just too tired
to remember as Mark is the baby. Mark surprisingly
comes from a family of intelligent people.
His brothers went on to become a lawyer and a mortgage broker while Mark…left
college early to follow a dream of QB’ing the in the NFL. He’s got the looks, the shots to the shoulder
and the foot fetish video thanks to Rex Ryan.
(What…you don’t really think he has a tattoo of Mark’s jersey on his
wife for no reason…do you?!)
So, what is Mark going to do? Will he play?
Will he suffer the Alex Smith syndrome and have some hunky no name with
muscles upon muscles and tattoos galore take his place sending him into the oblivion
that we call Kansas City? Perhaps! The real question is, where do Jets go to die
(or retire in the NFL), since technically, former Gold Diggers (sorry SF fans)
go rest in KC. Perhaps Jets go down to
sit at Brett Favre’s house and photocopy their junk for cell phone
stalkers.
My prediction for Mark Dirrty Sanchez…he will be sitting on
the porch clinking Corona Bottles with Brett while Rex’s wife fans them with a
large palm…uh limb…uh tree limb.
I would add Mark to my grandma’s Fantasy Football team, The
Old Gray Hairs. He might make it back,
but only if they win at least two games.
He needs to be traded down to Miami.
Let him pull a Barrett Robbins…and fly the coop down to Cuba. Perhaps soccer is more his sport!
