Welcome to the First Season of Toilet Talk. For all you football fans, this is my blog
that I will try to keep up on weekly. I
will highlight one player each week. I
will give you stats, highlights, headlines from the past and present and who’s
team I would want them to be on if I were placing these guys on a Fantasy
Football League. Also, all my research
is done on my favorite throne, the TOILET.
Why you ask…because that is the only peace and quiet I get in my
house. And really, what sound is more soothing
than a fart fan?
This week is the last before we start actual football. With my Fantasy Football Team all ready to
get down and Dirrrty, it’s time to focus on the “ladies” of football for a
minute. People are often infatuated with
celebrities and NFL players aren’t always on the Oucho Cinco or T.O. plan to
continue on with a reality TV series after their career is, cough…cough,
over. So they don’t think of themselves
as celebrities. What better way to get
the pinups off your wall and into your car (thank you Billy Ocean for the
reference), than to date one. Or in some
cases, become a repeat offender and date a few of them!
What type of celebrity women are dating these hot bodied
studs…let’s take a look. The most
obvious we have found to date athletes in general are Kim Kardashian, Eva
Longoria and Jessica Simpson. Also, did
you know that Gabrielle Union is a jock strap junky as well? Yup, she started with the NFL, but became a
bandwagon fan for the Heat when the Three Kings all drank the blood of David
Stern (NBA Commish for all you non-multisport fans!). Gabrielle started out married to Chris Howard
and that guy is now retired. Will she be
able to do the same for the men of the NBA? (Let’s hope since I am in no way a
fan of anything that comes out of Miami.)
This also includes Tim Tebow, (Jacksonville…Miami…who cares it’s the
same damn state!) who has also been linked to an actress. Perhaps you have heard of her, Camilla Belle,
she’s been in nothing that anyone would have seen.
Moving right along, we have the NFL Royalty that make babies
and moves on…cough TOM BRADY. But what
do they move on from? He went from
Bridget Moynahan, model turned actress to Gisele Bundchen, actress turned nasty
bitch at the Superbowl. Let’s also
address another meltdown at the Superbowl.
Anyone remember Hank Baskett?
Anyone? Anyone? Um, how about this; does anyone remember Hugh
Hefner and his girls down stairs, in the back door, under his Viagra bottle or
were they the girls next door? Kendra
Wilkinson, also known as Mrs. Hank Baskett cried like a baby after a major play
and loss her hubby was involved in.
Most of these relationships are not to anyone super
famous. I mean, you don’t see Angelina
Jolie wearing the blood from Peyton Manning.
Although, she’s seems more the Jerry Jones type, I’ve seen one of her
former daddy issues. And speaking of
Jerry, do you think he had anything to do with Tony and Carrie Underwood dating
or Jessica Simpson? I mean, a father
wants only the best, er…easiest for his son?!
Don’t act like you don’t think there’s some kind of connection
there! (At some point you would think he
would lose his job due to poor performance on the field, but nope…daddy happens
to write the checks!) Still, there are a
number of women seeking the companionship of the men of the NFL, (Not For Long
League). But who is using who? It’s almost a race to see who can get their
“reality show” deal inked first. Let’s
take a look at those who have had a show: Kristin Cavallari, Jessica Simpson,
Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and a few of the Real Housewives of where ever and
let’s not forget Basketball Wives. (Apparently, a paycheck is a paycheck and
some chicks don’t care what sport they play!).
I haven’t even addressed the women that are between albums and found
time to hit the arena while writing their next number one hit. How is it Ciara and Mya stayed out of the
spotlight while being bench pressed by some NFL’ers? Let's hope Taylor Swift doesn't find this little hotbed of dating and writes an entire album about shoulder pads, jock straps and pats to the ass.
I know I have left some out.
I had to utilize some of the paper, hence the name of the blog. So, with half my list, in the toilet if you
will, I have a request for this year.
Please ladies, DO NOT DISTRACT these men, boys and children this
year. I have built a team that is all
over the board. I have guys from all
teams and I need their heads in the game, not in the clouds. Mark Sanchez, this doesn’t necessarily mean
you this year, but I would offer you this bit of gossip. After Kanye’s performance at the VMA’s it
would seem that Kim might be available soon!
(Ok, I didn’t really watch it, but I figured it’s better to talk about
Kanye and Kim than Miley and her tongue for one minute!) Good luck and may my team come out on top!
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